An unnamed organization announced last week that they are going to pressure Mayor Sylvester Turner to add incompetent and unproductive workers to the list of groups protected by the city’s pending anti-discrimination ordinance. “It’s discriminatory to fire someone just because they are lazy or don’t possess rudimentary job skills,” said an anonymous spokesperson for the group. “These people have families to feed, and it’s unfair to judge them based on how they don’t perform on the job.”
The group listed five characteristics that they wanted protected by the ordinance:
- Unsatisfactory performance ratings
- Refusing to perform assigned tasks
- Swearing at customers
- Bringing a pack of stray dogs to work
- Speaking only in Pig Latin
Mayor Turner said that he hadn’t been contacted by the organization, but he was willing to listen to their suggestions. “Houston is a city of inclusion,” he said, “and if any citizen feels like he is being unfairly treated, then we have a responsibility to do everything in our power to protect him or her. The incompetent have a right to receive a decent paycheck, even if they do nothing to actually earn it.”
The Houston Business Alliance was quick to scoff at the proposal. “Bringing a pack of stray dogs to the office threatens the safety of other employees,” said a spokesperson. “Two or three might be okay, but an entire pack is just too many.”
The anonymous spokesperson hinted that the unnamed group may seek to ban other forms of discrimination in the future, claiming that it’s Mission Statement states: “People shouldn’t be allowed to judge others. We seek a culture in which all judgment of others is prohibited.”
Supporters of the anti-discrimination ordinance were hesitant to expand the scope of protection. Former Mayor Annise Parker, who tried to jam the Houston Equal Rights Ordinance down Houstonians’s throats, said that, while she supports the rights of the incompetent and lazy, they don’t make enough money to contribute to political campaigns.
The incompetent movement emerged as a potent political force during the Obama Administration with Vice President Joe Biden serving as the unofficial leader. In recent years, incompetents have come out of their parent’s basements and become more active in attempting to shape political policy. Their inability to hold a job has given them ample time to assault opponents and lobby legislators.